i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
