he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
