How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
