Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
