Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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