between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
