woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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