remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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