then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize