all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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