the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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