is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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