Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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