i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
