How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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