I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize