I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
