I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
