Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
