I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just googled if crying burns calories
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
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