Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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