shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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