dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
