remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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