Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The uberlube is also flammable
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
