even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
