is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A+ Viking dick
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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