I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize