So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
