im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
