he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
