Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish there were birth control emojis
You need a sexual gate keeper
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize