HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
