respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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