I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
