I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You may now shotgun with the bride
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
