I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
