At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
