I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
