I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
