My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
