He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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