Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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