You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
