just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we're so committed to being not committed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
