please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
