I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm too high and old for this...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
