yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
