Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
