I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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