I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
