We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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