I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
