My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
