You just made me feel so damn special
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
