his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize