Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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