I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how drunk are you?
Several
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