oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Randomize
