This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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