Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
