Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize