dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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